Reclaiming Love Read online

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  Chapter Two

  Connor watched Kevin walk away, appreciating the easy grace that hinted at a well-toned body. He moved like a dancer or gymnast, and Connor was totally captivated. He had those boyish looks that made him seem younger than he probably was. And those eyes ... He'd seen them change color, blue at first then dark gray. He wasn't tall—some would even call Kevin short—but he was handsome.

  He sighed and sat down on the bench Kevin had vacated. He'd been watching him from the magazine racks for a little while, and he'd been irresistible with his tongue poking between his lips, totally absorbed in his book. Connor smiled. He hadn't even really considered that Kevin might be anything other than gay. Perhaps that was why he'd run away. Maybe he was just shy, and Connor's not-so-subtle advance had frightened him.

  Connor had been in the city for six months, spending every night alone. He had acquaintances, and his work kept him busy. He didn't really have friends though, and loneliness combined with homesickness started to take its toll. He knew there were gay bars in the area. He'd already discovered those, but he didn't like meeting people in bars.

  The book Kevin had laid face down on the bench caught his attention, and he reached for it. Kevin Stohler? Surely not. If Kevin had written the book, he would have been more enthusiastic about it. But when he flipped to the back cover, the tiny picture was clearly the Kevin who'd just run away. He took the book to the counter, and the clerk rang it up. “The gentleman who just left...” Connor handed over the money for the book. “Do you know anything about him?"

  The clerk stiffened and counted out Connor's change. “Kevin?” Did Connor imagine a suspicious glint come into the clerk's eyes? Perhaps Kevin had fled because he was already attached. Maybe to the clerk. That might explain the sudden suspicion. That would be Connor's luck.

  "Yeah.” He tapped the bag that held his book. “This is his book, isn't it?"

  "He's been quiet about that. He doesn't like attention.” The nametag on the man's shirt said Mark and proclaimed him as the store manager. “Why are you asking?"

  Connor shrugged. “Just curious. I talked to him a bit, but..."

  The suspicion didn't leave Mark's eyes, though a knowing grin did touch his lips. “He comes to the reading group on Tuesday nights.” He handed Connor a flyer. “We're reading The Nightswimmer right now.” Connor started to turn away. “If you succeed in getting him alone, which isn't likely, don't expect much from him."

  The comment thudded into Connor like a load of bricks. “Why do you say that?"

  Mark shrugged. “He's shy and quiet, and his last partner did a real mind fuck on him.” Mark wiped down the counter. “I don't say that to be an ass. I'm just telling you not to expect much."

  Connor stared at the clerk for a moment, digesting what he'd just said, then left the store. Outside, he wondered where Kevin might have gone, but the city was large and unfamiliar. Kevin was gone for now.

  Connor wondered at Mark's comment about Kevin's last partner. Given the reaction to his pick up, Connor could only assume that whoever the guy was, he'd been an asshole. There was something more than that, something dark, something that crippled Kevin Stohler. That gut feeling his grandma called the sight told him there was more, much more, and it also told him that although Kevin might seem shy and quiet, it was a mask. There was more to Kevin than met the eye.

  He walked back to his little flat. The place was small and quaint, housed above a deli. At night it was quiet, and during the day, the smell of fresh baked bread permeated the place. He stopped in the deli for a sandwich before he went upstairs and settled in his only chair with Kevin's book and his lunch. Thumper, a slightly mangled tabby cat, jumped onto his lap when he unwrapped the sandwich.

  "Now, you know you aren't getting any.” Thumper still watched every bite, and his patience was rewarded when Connor left a morsel of meat on the paper and put it on the floor. Connor propped his feet up on the milk crate that served as his coffee table, and Thumper settled in his lap, purring softly. They spent the afternoon reading.

  Cupid's Arrow, the book was called. Connor didn't usually read murder mysteries. He preferred serious fiction, classics or literary fiction. He seldom read something light, meant for quick, easy entertainment. He expected an Agatha Christie type story. Instead, the tone of the book was light, often comedic, and the detective, an amateur sleuth who was an overworked computer geek by day, possessed sharp wit and a flair for sarcasm.

  The mystery centered on a statue of Cupid in the mansion of a flamboyant, outspoken playboy, who made no secret that he liked men of all shapes, sizes and classes. The amateur sleuth found himself embroiled in the plot when he ended up inside the mansion and the playboy's bed. Connor's brows rose with each page. If Kevin's writing was any indicator of his personality, Connor had a feeling he would be shocked ... a lot.

  The steamy sex scenes made Connor's hand drift to his half-erect cock. Just when he thought he'd finally figured the mystery out, another clue cropped up to dash his idea, stringing him along until the end. To his delight, the overworked computer geek ended up staying with the playboy in happy bliss, at least for now.

  "How perfect is that, Thumper?” The cat stared up at him with golden orbs and opened his mouth in a noiseless yowl. Connor scratched behind the cat's ears, and the luminous eyes slowly closed. “Maybe this place isn't so bad after all. Maybe I didn't make a mistake leaving, but we couldn't stay, Thumper. All that we had there were memories, and some of them weren't so good."

  He thumbed through the book again and wished he could tell Kevin how much he'd enjoyed it. Kevin might be shy, but he must have a reservoir of passion hidden inside him to write something as intense as this. He took the flyer out of the bag and read it. He would have to go, even though he had no interest in the month's selection. He just wanted to see Kevin again.

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  Chapter Three

  Kevin hadn't forgotten the sexy Connor McCann after he'd gone home. He'd figured into several masturbation fantasies in the shower, and he was now the starring character in a short, steamy story. Kevin still reeled from the fact that Connor had come on to him. Him. Shy, quiet, Kevin, who hardly left his apartment except for work, had attracted a hunk like that. Josh had told him no one would want him, that he was ugly and disgusting, good for nothing but serving him. Kevin had believed him.

  He stared at his nude body in the mirror. Dave was gone, and he was alone. His stomach wasn't smooth and hard. He had a little paunch going from too much ice cream and eating out. His build was just average. Not tall, though other than the pudge on his belly, the rest was lean. His legs and behind had real muscle definition. Josh had always told him no one would find him attractive, and then he'd complained that he was small in the dick department. He still believed that, even though Josh was the only lover who'd ever complained.

  His nipples still bore the holes from when he'd worn his rings, though they were starting to heal over, and when he'd tried to see his back, he could see the faded lines of scars on his ass. He stopped mirror gazing at that point and took his laptop and phone to bed. He could be buff and beautiful in his story, and the gorgeous Connor could make love to him for hours and hours.

  He didn't hear Dave and Lilly come in later that night, and he didn't realize until he finally put the computer away that he had spent the evening alone without calling Devon. The fantasy he'd created on the screen had captivated him and held his attention. He regretted not going back to the bookstore to talk to the hunky Connor, but this was better. He could talk and screw and picture Connor McCann however he wanted, no strings attached. He reached for the phone but left it on the shelf. He could call Devon in the morning.

  He looked forward to going to the reading group Tuesday night. Nicki would be there, and he couldn't wait to tell her about his bookstore encounter. He finished the story and put it on a CD for her. She always read his stories, and she would love this one.
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br />   Tuesday night, he rushed home after work, changed out of his business clothes and into a comfortable pair of faded jeans and a soft fleece shirt. He choked down a hurried supper of fruit and cheese and rushed to the bookstore. He hoped Nicki would be early tonight. The CD was a heavy weight in his jacket pocket, even if it only weighed a little more than a feather. To his delight, he saw her as soon as he walked into the bookstore.

  She was pouring over a display of romances in honor of Valentine's Day. He could recognize her anywhere. This month her hair was dyed an eye-bending shade of pink with deep red highlights, also in honor of Valentine's Day, and she had on her favorite gypsy skirt with the rainbow cascade of patches, a pair of chunky, black boots, and a baggy black sweater that concealed her full hips. Tonight, her shoulder-length hair stuck up at all angles in little ponytails.

  "I've got something better than those.” He snaked his arms around her waist from behind and held the CD in front of her. “Just finished it, in fact."

  She laughed and turned to give him a hug, snatching the CD out of his hand on the way. She wore no makeup, and her only jewelry was a black, velvet collar with a little padlock on the side, a gift from her fiancé, Scott. “You know just how to surprise a girl, don't you?"

  "I try.” He returned her hug. “Let's get some coffee afterwards. I have a story to tell you about the story."

  "Oh, really?” Her eyebrows, still their natural brown, arched upwards. “Will you give me a hint?"

  "Nope. You wouldn't believe me.” They walked arm-in-arm to the room where the group was held, talking about their weekend. She and Scott had gone on an early honeymoon to a B&B across the river in Illinois.

  "And it was fucktabulous,” she whispered. “Wait till I tell you all about it. You won't believe what we did.” They settled on one of the worn but comfy couches. Kevin had forgotten to bring the month's book they'd been discussing, but he didn't really care. He seldom said much in the reading group, speaking only when he was asked a direct question. He just liked to come, liked being a part of something, and he had made some friends. He'd convinced Nicki to come with him, even though she was the only woman there.

  He laughed softly. “Spare me the details."

  She nudged his ribs playfully. “I will not. How else are you going to do research for your stories? Did you do anything over the weekend?"

  "Of course, I did. I read a book, watched a movie, wrote a story, cleaned the apartment..."

  "I meant, something fun.” She tapped his temple. “Something that involves another person besides the ones that live in your head."

  Kevin scowled. “Writing is fun.” He sighed. “Calling Devon doesn't count, does it?"

  She kissed his cheek and shook her head. “Kevin, you are the sweetest person I know, but you live in your head most of the time. You need to get out, meet someone. You can't dwell on the past forever..."

  Her litany faded away when Connor McCann stepped into the room. Kevin's face turned hot, and a surge of heat rushed straight to his groin as the object of his fantasies took a seat on the opposite side of the room, directly across from him. Connor smiled and gave him a polite nod. Kevin had to look away, horribly embarrassed. He wouldn't last for an hour, not staring at that all through the meeting, and Connor didn't help the situation by staring back, fires smoldering in those green eyes.

  "Do you know the hunk?” Nicki whispered. Her elbow nudged him in the ribs. “He's dreamy. Where'd you meet him? When? I'm disappointed.” She nudged him again and wagged an accusing finger. “You've been holding out on me."

  He tore his gaze from the vision across the room. “I was going to tell you about that. It's part of the story that goes with the story."

  "Kevin, you said you didn't do anything interesting this weekend. Dish.” He was saved from having to tell Nicki all about Connor when the group started, lead by Mark. Kevin paid even less attention than usual.

  "Kevin, what did you make of the relationship dynamics in this book?"

  Kevin blinked, trying to wrap his mind around what Mark had just asked. What book were they discussing anyway? He'd forgotten.

  "Umm..."

  "Kevin?” Mark seemed concerned now.

  "I'll be back in a minute.” He left the group and went out to sit in a secluded corner in the used books part of the store. No one would be interested in outdated psychology books, and he had to get away from that room. It had gotten far too hot in there. Away from Connor's piercing gaze, he relaxed, although he felt like an idiot. The meeting was almost over. He and Nicki could go to the Coffee Cartel for a latte, maybe a piece of cheesecake. He'd just wait for her here.

  He heard the meeting break up and went in search of Nicki, hoping to avoid Connor. Nicki met him at the door. “What is up with you? Running out like that. Is this something to do with the story about the story?” She looped her arm through his and led him back upstairs. “Come on, Kev, tell me what's up?"

  "Let's go somewhere else first."

  "I've got to pick up some things for Scott, so you'll have to wait."

  "I'll wait outside then."

  She pinched him, and he yelped, even though he hadn't really felt the pinch through his jacket. “Like hell you will. With your luck, you'd get mugged. You just stay with me. I don't know what's up with you, but it's either really good or really bad. I know you."

  Kevin sighed. Nicki did know him very well. They'd met years before he'd started dating Josh, and they'd been friends ever since. She was the sister he never had. He had called her that night three years earlier. She was the one who called for the ambulance and held him when he woke up sobbing. She'd even told off the nurse who'd said, “Fags like you deserve this.” Kevin had loved her for that. She'd been his friend, a stalwart companion through thick and thin. She'd helped him make a family when his own had deserted him, and so he waited patiently while she picked up the latest James Patterson, a book of erotic stories, and an art book of pinup girls. She took her books to the checkout, and Kevin was certain they'd be out of the store and on their way to the coffee shop before he ever saw Connor. His nervousness melted away, and he relaxed again, waiting while Nicki signed the credit card slip.

  "This is going to be one sizzling Valentine's.” They'd just gotten to the door when a heavy hand settled on Kevin's shoulder.

  "I read your book."

  Nothing could have frozen him like those words. He couldn't speak, and he couldn't move, not even to answer the question in Nicki's eyes. She glanced behind Kevin. He knew it was Connor, and that hand felt just like he'd imagined it would, hard and gentle all at once. He forced all of those fantasies to the back of his mind.

  "I really enjoyed it. Not at all what I expected. Can we talk over coffee?"

  Kevin knew he looked like a deer caught in headlights, and he couldn't quite get his mouth to obey his brain. “No, I ... uh ... I have other plans.” He didn't turn around. If he did, those green eyes would trap him, and then he wouldn't be able to move at all.

  "Another time, maybe?” He held out a card. “Give me a call. I'd like to talk. Anytime.” The hand left his shoulder, but Kevin didn't reach for the card. Nicki did though. She glanced at it and looked Connor up and down.

  A sly grin touched her dark lips. “He'll call, but how about tomorrow night? He's free, no matter what he says. Aren't you, Kev?"

  "Nicki..."

  "Aren't you?"

  "Yes.” His face burned, and he longed to run from the store out in the velvet darkness of the streets.

  "He likes the Coffee Cartel down the street. It's a twenty-four hour place. Good coffee. Nice atmosphere. Friendly people.” Kevin tried to avoid Connor's eyes, but he found himself captured by that emerald gaze. “Or Llewellyn's, kitty corner over there, if you'd like something stronger than coffee."

  Connor's smile lit up those green eyes and made Kevin's heart thump. “I thought you didn't know a decent pub."

  "I..."

  Nicki cut him off before he could make any excuses. “Of
course, he does. He's lived in this area all his life, knows the place inside and out. He grew up in Dogtown."

  Kevin managed to tear his gaze from Connor's face, and now he just wanted to sink into the floor, mortified that she would be standing here, just a few feet from the exit and freedom, boldly setting him up with a complete stranger, even if the stranger did look like golden god.

  "We've got to go now. He'll see you tomorrow night around seven. That's all right, isn't it, Kev? Gives you plenty of time to get home from work and change."

  "I suppose.” He stuck his hands in his jacket and curled his fingers into fists. Maybe he could conveniently forget to show up, or maybe Connor would decide he wasn't worth the effort. A part of him hoped for the latter, but a tiny part of him, the part of him that hadn't been crushed by Josh, wanted to grab the sexy Connor and find out if those lips were as kissable as he thought.

  "Great!” Nicki looped her arm through his. “He'll see you then.” She held out her other hand to Connor. “Nice to meet you..."

  "Connor. Connor McCann.” He shook her hand, and Kevin thought he saw amusement in those eyes. He hung his head, feeling defeated and beaten.

  "We've got to go now.” Nicki tugged him toward the door. “He can meet you here if that's easy."

  "Of course.” Connor smiled now. “I'll see you tomorrow, Kevin."

  "Yeah.” His response was weak, almost anemic, and lacked enthusiasm.

  Concern flashed across Connor's face for a moment.

  "I'm looking forward to it.” He managed that with a little more gusto, and Connor's smile returned. Coffee couldn't hurt anything or anyone, and hadn't he wanted to do that very thing over the weekend? Connor said he wanted to talk, nothing else. Maybe he had just liked the book, after all. That was most likely it. He'd liked the book. That wasn't attraction in those awesome eyes. No one wanted him.